By Mark Walstrom
Part of being human is being connected.
It’s very human to crave intimacy with others and to long for connection. While there are several types of relationships, I’d like to take a moment to really focus on romantic/intimate relationships because for many of us, these are the most difficult and painful. However, our intimate relationships/partnerships have the potential to also be the most fulfilling.
When you’re in an intimate relationship, the love you share kindles a light so bright and inviting, you both draw in for warmth and comfort. But the powerful force of the love you share has a direction of its own that has no interest in your preferences or plans. That bright light you both enjoy so much, also has a tendency to cast a fairly profound shadow, revealing all of the bottom drawer qualities you and your partner have brought to your union.
This is a very alarming experience, but in reality, it is an invitation to continue to love each other with fewer restraints. Without love, this terrifying invitation would not present itself and your respective skeletons would stay locked up. At first, our ego throws up walls to protect the ideas about ourselves that we cling to most dearly, but this is not our authentic self. We must allow love to coax out our true nature and challenge us to move beyond our past conditioning, to participate in a conscious relationship. In doing so, we create new opportunities to bring vitality and deeper intimacy to our relationship, free of fear.
A conscious relationship also moves slowly.
There’s a story of a man who was rushing to work. He lived near his office and took a shortcut through the meadow behind his home and on his way, discovered a butterfly emerging from its chrysalis. He paused to witness the butterfly’s debut, but upon glancing at his watch, realized he simply didn’t have the time, and so he cupped his trembling hands around the creature and heaved warm breath to speed the process. The butterfly emerged “on schedule” with wilted wings too deformed for flying. Upon seeing the result of his attempt to control the situation selfishly, and its impact on another, he wept.
Just as important steps were missed in rushing the butterfly’s development, so important pieces can be missed when we try to rush love. A conscious relationship requires mindful awareness, and so we crawl into love even though the survivalist in each of us would prefer something immediately settled and certain. It’s important to remember that our ability to love another is directly related to our ability to know and love ourselves. The more we commit to knowing and accepting ourselves, the more we are able to surrender to loving another person.
